FHBM #878: Oh, Deer!

Las Vegas podcast #878 includes:

Play Las Vegas Podcast

Direct download of the podcast: Five Hundy By Midnight 6/11/23 (27:47 min, 36.7 MB) or subscribe.

First Look at Fontainebleau Rooms and Suites

With Fontainebleau Las Vegas inching closer to reality – a feat that once seemed impossible – the team of world-famous, blue-ribbon sleuths from the Five Hundy Investigative Center have been busier than ever. Fueled by Funyuns, OK Soda and Jason Isbell’s Weathervanes album, the sleuths acquired floorplan layouts of Fontainebleau’s rooms and suites.

Because this is an unofficial preview, room names and features are subject to change as Fontainebleau management fine-tunes its plans. With that in mind, here’s what’s in store for Fontainebleau’s guests.

Bleau Rooms

Standard rooms at Fontainebleau will be branded as Bleau rooms, available with either a single king bed or two queen beds. Bleau King rooms are a generous 488 square feet with Bleau Queen rooms slightly larger at 494 square feet. Restrooms include dual sinks, tub and separate shower. Bleau rooms will make up the majority of Fontainbleau’s room product with 1,255 Bleau Kings and 1,265 Bleau Queens available.

Bleau King
Bleau Queen

Gold Rooms

One step up from Bleau rooms are Gold rooms. Gold King rooms measure in at 545 square feet with Gold Queen rooms at 590 square feet. The Gold King bathroom skips the separate tub and shower in favor of a single Party Shower® that appears to include a healthy sprinkling of tile pubes. Weird.
Gold King
Pube Shower
Gold Queen rooms have a separate tub and shower in lieu of the pube-laden Party Shower®.
Gold Queen

Junior Suites

When standard rooms just don’t cut it, Fontainebleau has plenty of suite options, beginning with Junior Suites. At 896 square feet, Junior Suites include a single king bed, with a separate living room/salon area. The bathrooms include a tub and a Party Shower® (no pubes version).

Junior Suite

Platinum King Suites

Fontainebleau has appointed some of its triangular rooms as Platinum King Suites. The name sounds impressive but they’re smaller than Junior Suites at 660 square feet and have no tub. Good news though – Party Shower®.

Platinum King Suite

Royal Suites

Have you ever dreamed of being a prince, princess, king or queen? Well, the Royal Suites at Fontainebleau will make you feel like a member of an inbred family funded by taxpayers. At 936 square feet, Royal Suites include a king bed, separate salon living room, kitchenette and two bathrooms. The foyer bathroom includes a Party Shower®, and the primary bathroom includes a tub and shower.

Royal Suite

Noble Suites

Taking up the same amount of space as a Royal Suite but with a different layout, Noble Suites have similar features, including a kitchenette, salon and king bed. Again, two bathrooms but, alas, no Party Shower®. The foyer bathroom has a standard shower, and the primary bathroom includes a tub and a separate standard shower.

Noble Suite

Executive Suites

Are you a high-powered executive who demands hotel accommodations matching your executive stature? Well, Fontainebleau Las Vegas has just the suite for you. Executive Suites clock in at 1,138 square feet. Minimal space is wasted on the king bed because powerful executives like you don’t have time for sleep. Instead, you need ample room for deal-making. The dining area is perfect for entertaining clients or important meetings with your lowly minions. The neighboring salon includes a huge L-shaped couch, perfect for unwinding with a scotch on the rocks after a long day doing business things.

The bathroom layout in these 21 Executive Suites is a little kooky. It comes with two toilets – one for you and one for people not worthy of sitting on the same porcelain as you. Your bedroom-adjacent toilet, however, is detached from the rest of the bathroom. Fortunately, you won’t care because you have both a tub and a Party Shower®.

Executive Suite

Panorama Suites

Now we’re getting to the good stuff. At 1,651 square feet, Fontainebleau’s 45 Panorama Suites are huge. Upon entering, guests will want to relieve themselves in the foyer bathroom (toilet and sink only) before venturing down the suite’s long hallway. Along the way, they’ll find the bedroom with king bed and walk-in closet and primary bathroom with separate tub and shower. People who stay in rooms like this are far too classy for shower parties, thus no Party Shower®. Farther down the hallway is a dining room containing a sculpture or something similarly artsy to help fill the space. Finally, in the back corner, the Panorama Suite has a spacious salon with L-shaped and U-shaped couches.

Panorama Suite

Grand Panorama Suites

Fontainbleau tops off its suite selection with its 10 Grand Panorama Suites. At 2,022 square feet, this triangular suite includes a huge entertainment space, featuring a Gorgeous Pool Table®, bar, long-ass couch and several other seating options, along with a small dining space tucked into the corner. This suite includes a foyer bathroom with a toilet and sink, and a primary bathroom that includes a shower, oval tub and makeup counter, dual sinks and toilet.

Grand Panorama Suite

FHBM #873: Crushing Dreams

Las Vegas podcast #873 includes:

  • Jon Bon Jovi opener
  • Become a Five Hundy Patron, get bonus stuff
  • Caesars confirms Paris/Horseshoe plans
  • Rio plans elevated skybridge/park that will never happen
  • Competing surfing resort plans
  • Wynn announces Min’s Test Kitchen
  • Game of Thrones attraction details
  • Stranger Things: The Official Store is a thing
  • Cheapshot scales back
  • Fontainebleau confirms December opening plans
  • Listener calls about Vegasy stuff, including El Cortez, StadiumSwim, Downtown Grand, Delano, Hard Rock Cafe, Resorts World food hall, Momofuku, Superfrico, Project BBQ, Plaza bingo, Sand Dollar, Mad Apple, Pizzaoki, Mon Ami Gabi and more
  • Call us at (702) 866-9494
Play Las Vegas Podcast

Direct download of the podcast: Five Hundy By Midnight 5/7/23 (46:01 min, 58.1 MB) or subscribe.

FHBM #872: Summoning an Ass Demon

Las Vegas podcast #872 includes:

  • U2 opener
  • Become a Five Hundy Patron, get bonus stuff
  • U2 Sphere details finally
  • Fremont Street summer concert series rundown
  • More Carrie Underwood dates
  • More Lionel Richie dates
  • Horseshoe’s Jubilee Tower to become Paris Versailles Tower
  • Rockwood Music Hall plans die a quiet death
  • Duck Donuts sells donuts and bad ideas
  • Luxor gets immersive with Play Playground
  • Imaginarium at Westgate extends sort of
  • Another new unofficial Fontainebleau thing: Jama dayclub
  • Mizumi closing for remodel
  • Listener calls about Vegasy stuff, including NYNY and Venetian restrooms, Alle, Katy Perry, Magician’s Study, Wynn love and more
  • Call us at (702) 866-9494
Play Las Vegas Podcast

Direct download of the podcast: Five Hundy By Midnight 4/30/23 (54:40 min, 68.8 MB) or subscribe.

FHBM #871: Taking a Walter

Las Vegas podcast #871 includes:

  • Wendy Williams opener
  • Become a Five Hundy Patron, get bonus stuff
  • Oakland A’s announce Las Vegas ballpark location
  • Sphere announce show details
  • Venetian sports book renovation begins
  • Horseshoe plans room renovations
  • Parry’s Pizzeria coming soon
  • Resurrected tent magic plans
  • A new Fontainebleau thing: Chyna Club
  • Imaginarium at Westgate
  • Katy Perry announces final Play shows
  • Erika Jayne residency
  • Tim’s trip report and observations, including Ocean One, Ski Lodge, Paris, Horseshoe, The Linq, The Mirage, kiosk check-in, Vegas traditions and more
  • Call us at (702) 866-9494
Play Las Vegas Podcast

Direct download of the podcast: Five Hundy By Midnight 4/23/23 (68:09 min, 82.7 MB) or subscribe.

FHBM #870: Finally, Some Honesty

Las Vegas podcast #870 includes:

  • Ike Barinholtz opener
  • Become a Five Hundy Patron, get bonus stuff
  • Awakening is failing, blame underrehearsed cast
  • MSG Sphere show details begin to emerge
  • Tiesto is moving
  • Resorts World is getting a tiki lounge
  • Spiegelworld celebrates the pants-free lifestyle, opens new venues
  • Cathedrale opens May 1
  • Brezza serves lunch
  • Triple Down is honest
  • Listener calls about a bunch of Vegasy stuff, including Vdara, Catch, Saginaw’s, El Cortez, Stadium Swim, Eureka, Aft, Bar Zaza, X-Pot, Rhumbar, Vanderpump Cocktail Garden and more
  • Call us at (702) 866-9494
Play Las Vegas Podcast

Direct download of the podcast: Five Hundy By Midnight 4/8/23 (36:55 min, 47.7 MB) or subscribe.